A woman is not only disappointed but also devastated when she knows she is not the most important person in her husband’s life. A wife lamented that “even our dog is more important to him than I am. At least he comes home and plays with the dog. But all I get is ‘when’s dinner going to be ready?'”
Some husbands have made their wives widows, though they are still alive. Some love their television sets and newspapers more than they love their wives. Some prefer the football game to their marriage. Yet others have made pools betting or casino gambling their help-meet. Thus many wives are either T.V. widows or football widows.
People naturally put their hearts where their treasures are. “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also” (Matt. 6:21). If your wife is your treasure, your heart will be with her. The Bible says of the virtuous woman, “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so he shall have no need of spoil” (Proverbs 31:11). A wife has a high sense of security and self-worth if and when her husband enthusiastically spends more time with her than with his club, community or job.
To reassure your wife and make her feel loved, do these:
• Spend more time with her than with friends or relatives or even the children. Some men come back from work, cuddle and kiss the children without even greeting their wives. That’s a bad message to her, even if she equally loves the children. Make your wife know that you would rather choose to be with her than with any other person.
• Avoid postponing programmes planned and scheduled with her in order to meet the needs of others. Some husbands will abandon a dinner date with their wives to meet an emergency. Your wife will become bitter without saying so when this happens often. If this is your lot presently, regard your scheduled dates with your wife as a more urgent emergency. You will honour her by so doing according to I Peter 3:7, and she’ll love you for it.
• Don’t just make promises to change. Let her see genuine effort in this direction. Cancel a few important programmes and tell her, “I did it just to be with you.”
• Listen to her complaints of your bad behaviour without arguing or justifying yourself.
• Humble yourself. Ask your wife for forgiveness if you have dishonoured her.
• Don’t give up even if she refuses to forgive you or see your determination to change the way you treat her. It sometimes takes a long time for women to notice any positive change in their husbands. This should not discourage you. Keep at it.
A husband bought a box of candy and a dozen roses for his wife after hearing a powerful message on love and marriage. He wanted to right the wrongs done through the years of accumulated offences. The wife thought something was wrong. “Oh, this is terrible,” she said, weeping. “The baby cut his finger, I burned your dinner when I couldn’t get rid of the vacuum cleaner salesman, the sink is stopped up… and now you come home drunk” (The Joy of Committed Love, pp. 29 – 30).
Don’t worry if your wife does not initially understand or appreciate your effort to love her more. Don’t worry if she thinks you are drunk. Just tell her, “I am drunk with new love for you”.
