John Wesley, the founder of the Methodist Movement, was not exactly a good husband. In fact, one biographer has suggested quite uncharitably that he “must be regarded as one of the worst husbands in history” (Husbands and Wives, pp.145). He was naive about the demands of marriage, which he embarked on when he was 47 years old. He was more interested in ministry to the world, than in his wife.
Nevertheless, there was something good about the way he coped with Molly, who has been rated, with some justification, as “one of the three worst wives in all history”. While John Wesley was an apostle of biblical sanctification and holiness, his wife was notorious for strife, contention and a cold spiritual disposition. He was on fire for God and she was less than enthusiastic for God. For a man who delivered over 42,000 sermons, often preaching four to five times a day during his fifty-three year ministry, to crowds of 30,000 at a time, he must have had real problems coping with a helpmeet, who was less than helpful.
Molly had a legendary temper. Yet this did not rub off on her husband. “Evil communication,” the Bible says, “corrupts good manners.” But John Wesley determined not to be corrupted by his wife’s tirades which anyone of lesser spiritual maturity could have responded to negatively. The more Molly harassed Wesley with her tongue, the more he prayed for the Holy Spirit’s sanctifying grace. Her temper tantrums drove him to pray and pray some more. No wonder John Wesley once said “my wife helped me in ministry.” She can be likened to the refiner’s furnace that purged the carnal from his heart.
Molly sometimes adopted a violent approach in dealing with her husband. A visiting Methodist Minister once reported that he “went into a room and found Mrs. Wesley foaming with fury. Her husband was on the floor, where she had been trailing him by the hair of his head. She herself was still holding in her hand venerable locks which she had plucked up by the roots.” How very unfortunate the trying circumstances John Wesley had to live with. But the good thing is that he discharged himself like a good soldier.
Only a man of John Wesley’s level of sanctification could have been dragged on the floor by his wife. The added pain of having your hair forcefully pulled from the roots in the process of being dragged on the floor by an uncaring woman must have been very degrading and dehumanising. Yet Wesley took all that in good faith. He knew that two wrongs don’t make a right. Therefore, he was willing for Christ’s sake to be humiliated without responding negatively. John Wesley may have been naive as a husband, but he is certainly not one of the worst husbands in history, as suggested by one biographer. For a man with his degree of patient endurance, the verdict should be a little kinder.
Wesley teaches us not to abuse our wives verbally or physically even if we are abused. He teaches us that “all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.”
