In my book “How to Beat Your Husbands”, there is a practical and interesting segment on how to win an unbelieving husband. Husbands desiring to win their wives to Christ should also derive insights from it.
“Betty Malz rightly points out that “to live with an unbeliever takes special love”. The love that will save your husband must be patient, able to endure all things. It must not be easily provoked. It must not behave unseemingly or inconsistently.
Sara Douglas demonstrated this kind of patient and enduring love. She waited for sixty-eight years before her husband was saved. She once told Betty Malz, “don’t talk to him about God, talk to God about him”. Living the life of a Christian is the means by which you can draw your husband into the Kingdom of God.
Here are some practical hints on how you can love an unlovable husband.
(1) Clean him up and feed him when he comes home drunk
(2) Completely avoid making direct or indirect reference to his sins, no matter how grievous they are.
(3) Don’t fight him back if he beats you physically. But please escape for your life if his rage is likely to do you permanent damage.
(4) Avoid any temptation to nag him
(5) Honour and respect him for who he is, the head of the home
(6) Show interest in the things that interest him most
(7) Help him in his business or office work
(8) Teach the children to honour and respect him – and ensure they do.
(9) Publicly praise and acknowledge him.
(10) Give him credit for achievements even when you were directly the motivator.
(11) Ask his opinion on personal matters that concerns you
(12) Always forgive him and make him know that you have forgiven him.
Think more about what you can give to your husband than what he must give to you. The gift of love which covereth a multitude of sins is the greatest gift of all. Tonye was a brute of a man. He often came home drunk and ready for a fight. He and Amara, his wife, had a rough marriage full of fights. Verbal and physical confrontation was a regular aspect of their relationship at home. The fact that they lived alone, as they had no children, aggravated the matter.
This was so until Amara became a Christian. One night Tonye came home in a drunken stupor. Instead of releasing the usual verbal missiles, Amara opened her arms of love to receive him. She took him to the bath room, gave him a scrub. She made a warm drink for him and later, when he had revived, fed him like a baby. This practice went on for some time. Tonye did not seem to respond to her kind gesture. He continued to drink and remained irresponsible in other ways. Amara however, no longer called him names, or fought back.
A miracle, however, occurred on day. She had as usual cleaned him up after a drinking spree. She prepared his best food, sat him up on the bed with pillow props and began to feed him. Everywhere was quiet. It was late in the night. Both husband and wife were not saying a word to each other. Like a mother, Amara kept on scooping spoonful of food into Tonye’s mouth. Suddenly he stopped chewing and began to sob and tremble. He cried like a baby. Amara, still silent, took his head into her breast and began to weep with him. He was healed instantly. Their marriage was restored and today, Tonye is a responsible member of the body of Christ.
Agape love is indispensable in dynamic witnessing. It is the love of God that attracts us to believe in Jesus. That same love, if given unreservedly to any unbeliever, will likewise draw him unto the Kingdom of God.
