Many marriages suffer from marital incompatibility. Some dimensions of the problem are apparent while others are real. But how can couples overcome marital incompatibility, whether apparent or real?
First realise, as we have continually argued, that marriage is a union of two opposites. What many couples are quick to label as incompatibility in their relationship is actually what God crafted as divine arrangement.
Below are a list of actions you can take to handle incompatibility in marriage:
1. Identify the ways in which you and your spouse are different
2. Begin to conceive your differences as God’s divine arrangement instead of the proof of marital incompatibility.
3. Acknowledge your limitations to your spouse and make it clear that God brought him or her to compliment you.
4. Repent of calling what God meant for good as bad.
5. Appreciate God’s goodness in giving you the spouse you need to maximize your potentials.
6. Encourage positive criticism. Like Charles Spurgeon, urge your spouse to take the place of a public critic. You are far safer with a critic who is your bone and flesh.
7. Be determined to learn from each other and measure your progress by periodically scoring each other.
Don’t be discouraged by conflict in your marital relationship. Joyce Huggett has rightly noted that “there is no cure for conflict this side of eternity… No therapy, no palliatives, no preventive pills, no vaccination are available to inoculate us against its invasion into the body… Conflict is an integral part of all close friendships and every good marriage.” Conflict, therefore must be seen from the positive angle. It exposes us to our weaknesses and where it is creatively handled, helps us to lean on God for help.
God uses marital conflict to sanctify us. Several people will never see any need to deal with their character deficiencies until they are confronted by a close friend who is their direct opposite in temperament.
For instance, Jonathan Edwards, the great Revivalist who preached the famous sermon “Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God”, may never have seen the need to adjust his temperament without the help of his wife, Sarah. She “was seven years younger than Jonathan and totally unlike him. He was moody; she was vibrant. He was shy; she was outgoing. He was socially inept; she was a natural conversationalist. He was gawky; she was graceful.” God brought Sarah into Jonathan’s life so he can more easily see his deficiencies graphically. That they had a good marriage is a credit to his wife.
