Living with an unbeliever is like living with a stubborn blind man, who does not believe that he is blind. He often refuses direct spiritual assistance, especially from a wife who is born again. This situation can be frustrating. This is why God warns us not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers.
Some women however get married as unbelievers, to equally unbelieving husbands. God eventually intervenes in their lives and saves them; but does not permit them to leave their unbelieving husbands (1 Cor. 7:12-14).
Conflict is bound to arise when a wife is saved and begins to adopt Biblical patterns of living when her husband is still a non-believer. If you are saved and your husband is not, you will easily understand what we are saying. There are various areas of conflict.
Some women think that because they are saved and their husbands are not, they should:
- Take over the leadership of the home.
- Unilaterally stop the buying, selling and consumption of alcohol at home.
- Compel everyone, including the man, to regularly attend church on Sunday and mid-week services.
- Change the family church from an Orthodox to a Pentecostal church.
- Suspend visiting of relatives suspected to be witches and wizards.
- Transfer the children from a public to a private Christian school where they can be given a religious education.
- Start a weekly or daily house fellowship at home.
- Intensify the move to save the husband through daily reading of scriptures and verbal rebukes for his sins.
These may seem like noble goals that every believing wife should aspire to, in order to make her family truly Christian. But you must tread softly and patiently. The best way to alienate your husband is to implement these seemingly noble objectives without caution, or due regard to his feelings.
Firstly, salvation does not give a wife the legal right to usurp the authority of the husband. Dora got saved and immediately became fervent and zealous in the work of God. She now knew the difference between a spirit- filled life and empty religion. Richard, her husband, was very religious, yet he had not given up smoking and drinking even though he was the choir master in an Orthodox church. Dora moved to a Pentecostal church without consulting or getting approval from her husband. Richard did not stop her, but did not approve of her decision.
Conflict arose, however, when Dora began to dominate the spiritual leadership at home. Though Richard was not born again he read and interpreted the Bible at their daily family worship. But Dora now took over that function, again without consultation. The family worship became a time for, what Richard later called, ”tirades” against his smoking and drinking.
He stopped attending the family altar and began to drink heavily. This gave Dora more occasions for verbal rebukes. Richard eventually got into drugs and would not even go to church any more.
Why did Richard respond the way he did? Because no unsaved man wants to be told what to do and how to do it. Men are naturally egocentric. They want to be seen as being in charge even when they shirk their responsibilities. They want to be sure they are dictating the pace of major decisions. Above all, they don’t want to be rebuked openly when they are wrong. What then must a believing wife know about her salvation in relation to her unbelieving husband?
- Realize that God saved you by grace, not because of your works. The same will be true for your husband.
- Recognize that God wants to use the very kind of divine love that saved you, to save your husband.
- Respect the fact that your life may be the only daily “Bible reading” your husband has access to.
- Respond to the challenge of living the Spirit-filled life able to produce the fruits of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22-23).
- Avoid an ”I know it all” attitude even if your husband is spiritually dead.
- Reason with him when he does not understand the spiritual implication of his actions.
Knowing all this is one thing, but practically applying this knowledge in positive actions is another thing altogether.
